can't sleep

I can't sleep. I can't get back to sleep, rather. I don't know what time it is and I really don't care. I've been thinking a lot these past few days and I am glad that the long weekend has paved way for me to be distracted. A lot of thanks to my sweet baby (niece), Ycey. I wanted to call her babybabes but she doesn't like it. She'd rather I call her baby :)

I worry a lot about the future, and I think about the past. Weird combination. Yet it seems my thoughts are far from reality. There are so may things I really really want to do and yet I feel so restricted.

Am I trudging the path that is meant for me?

Has the signs been given? Did I ignore them?

So many questions. No answer.

This is just a random post. I'm really not sensible at this moment.

Sendong

I'm supposed to write an entry about the year end party that happened last friday but I just could not find it in my heart to share something happy when everyone that surrounds me is grieving. Thus, I will write what happened after the party. The devastation that Typhoon "Washi (Sendong)" did to the beloved city of Golden Friendship.

I was on a taxi home with one of my officemate when we passed by Carmen Bridge at around midnight of December 16. The taxi driver said that the water level has risen and that the current is like a demon. I could not see it, so i opened the car window and there I saw the raging waters. I saw debris, branches of trees and even people being washed away. My heart beat so fast. I could hear women shouting TABANG (help)! I began to worry. I called my dad and was glad to hear his voice at the other end of the line.

There was a city wide black out. I was without umbrella when I stepped out of the taxi. The wind and rain were so strong. I stayed over with a friend. I couldn't sleep. The peeked through the window and saw water level rising. What I went through back in January 2009 came back again. My heart beats fast again. Siren can be heard from afar. (Little did I know that flood waters washed over Brgy. Consolacion and Burgos St. (where my grandparents used to live)


I received a text with bff D and was informed of the same tragedy that is happening in Iligan.

I am happy that my family and friends were not affected by this catastrophe. My heart is breaking, nevertheless. Friends have lost their family, relatives and even their hard earned properties.

I do not have pictures to post but everything is viral on facebook and all over the web.

11.11.11

In all in the numbers, that's what numerologist would say. Superstitious peeps say that this day would be a bad one, some say its special and others find it to be merely ordinary.

After I took office at a government bank last June, this would have been my 100th working day in my new line of work but somehow it would not be the case since there has been some holidays.

I'll be working half day today since I'll be going to the metro with my bff D. Can't wait to see barbarian bff A. Crossed fingers we get to meet up with bff K, who will be going there tomorrow. It would also be nice to meet up with our high school batchmates :)

I joined Patty L's sony giveaway as she celebrates a milestone for her friend, Amber Davis, who stars in her very own music video, Light Years :)

I posted my entry here. *crossed fingers* for winning that gadget.

I want an apple

an apple gadget, that is.

photo credits

not a terrorist

This is another overdue entry. I guess I'm making up for lost blogging time. If there is even such a thing. haha!

I finally got to watch this movie. I've been curious about this ever since I heard of it. It is one amazing movie and it goes to my must-watch films.

I liked how the director fused one's individual disability, love and family in a plot that talks about a very sensitive issue -- religion.

I guess I could totally relate with the movie, having grown in a muslim majority community. And when 9/11 struck, it really changed the world.

It is my contention that we don't really need to accept one's belief as our own and what we need is to just RESPECT our own individuality and uniqueness.

We do have some things in common. Why can't we just nourish that?

Anyway, my name is Bee and I am not a terrorist!

Farewell 2010

2010 has been a good year for me. So many blessings. I have my share of problems too but I would rather think of the positive things than dwell on the negative things. As I bid goodbye the the year, these are what I am thankful for.

Good Health. I'm physically fit to be able to work, as my medical result turned out. Yippeee! Except for minor cuts and hello eye wear, I am good to go..

Bondings. With my family and relatives. With friends and acquaintances. With co-workers. My social network has grown and my social life has become active after years of dormancy. haha!

Travel and Adventure. Ive been to places I've never been before or re-visited places I went to when I was still a toddler. Surigao. Maramag. Pagadian. I have conquered the Zipzone challenge in Dahilayan, Bukidnon and conquered my fear of heights with the Skywalk and Edge Coaster in Cebu! Hip hip! Hooray!!! I have renewed my passport so *fingers crossed* for future escapades. Oh! I also get to have Andy, my trusted travel companion. tee hee!

Fashion. The caterpillar has turned into a cocoon and is now ready to free herself from bondage. Drama! I can never say I am a fashionista but there is still room for improvement in my sense of style. It is never too late. Bang! I'm loving my flat shoes this year!

Looking forward to what is in store for me in 2011. I have a feeling its gonna be a better year. Happy New Year, Everyone.

What were you thankful for in 2010?

Wanted: Love made in China

This is not your ordinary love story nor it is a story about China's Economy.

I came upon a statement, "God created the world and the rest is made in China". A point to ponder, can love be made in China? I'm not talking about love between two Chinese individual or about two strangers meeting up in China. Those are exemptions. Those things happen. I'm talking about love (as manufactured and signed with MADE IN CHINA). Silly old me! I'm talking nonsense! Crazy B!

Really!?! How can one let go of failed relationships? How does one go on after a break-up? How does one pick and mend the broken pieces? *♫♫♫ Where do ♫ broken hearts ♫ go ♫♫*

If only... Relationships were like buying clothes covered with a 7 Days return policy.

If only... Reading Relationship for Dummies have a 100% money back guarantee.

Too bad... I am cautious. Very cautious. Traumatized.

I'm not thinking straight. I'm emotionally unstable. I'm in turmoil. Blame it on my hormones! *Can somebody give me a bar of chocolate!*

Slacking and Multitasking

I always look forward to weekend. It's a Saturday. I'm slacking and multitasking. Month end is just around the corner, pressure and stress is all I'm in for. Another change is about to take place in the department... *crossed-fingers*

Task no. 1: World Wide Web
I'm browsing through my friend's photos and it brings a sense of euphoria. I miss hanging out with my family, the kiamsies, and my batchmates Its nice to know friends' settling down and tying the knot, of their careers going forward. Somehow, it feels like time just flew...

Task no. 2: Laundry Work

Its the day of the week that I can do my laundry. I'm not too ecstatic over doing the chore but leaving alone leaves me no choice. I cannot always depend on laundry shop. Thank God for washing machines. hahaha!

Task no 3: Glee Series Marathon
First episode of season 2 was just shown but since I do not have cable, I missed it. bummer! The irony is, I've never seen an episode before. When the world got crazy over it i was passive, and didn't give a damn. But curiosity got the best of me when my cousin would babble over it at FB. I am not a bonafide gleek but I'm enjoying the episodes I've watched so far... *bring it on!*

Veggie Talk

Okay, earlier today, I went out to buy ready-to-eat food for our lunch... Surprisingly, together with some other viand, I bought this Bitter Melon (Ampalaya) with bagoong salad. It pushed me to type into google recipe how to prepare it 'coz I would like to cook it for myself. Too bad, the search results didn't display the specific preparation, they had varieties of it: with mayo, others with eggplant or with mango. WTH!!! I simply want the simplest way to prepare it. The basic.

Done with that, now talk about veggies.

As I child, Sayote (Chayote) was present in every meal...probably because it grows just about anywhere in our community. I love Baguio bean and String beans too... And would eat tortang Talong (Eggplant). I cannot tell at what point my taste started to shift that these vegetables entered in my least eaten veggies along with Okra.

In addition, Ever since my mom became sick, our diet at home took a 360 degree turn. Pork was not included in any meal. We stuck with Chicken, Fish, Beef and other meat. My dad prefers to have veggies and fruits and least likely to eat meat. I was introduced to Broccolli. *heheh*, it became a part of my Chopsuey, although I have to admit I always single out cauliflower. I *heart* carrots, squash, cabbage, radish, turnip, etc.

So with this entry, the very picky vegetable eater B is revealed.

Dinner is almost served. Bon appetite, mi amigos and amigas!!!

Babies and Miscarriages

I am not in the most credible person to write a piece about this stuff, certainly because I am single, have not been impregnated but still I feel I have thoughts to share about the issue.

In our family, news of conception is accepted with gladness. Even if some came early than expected and some came later than planned. I've have cousins, cousin-n-laws and friends whom I know have tried to become parents, fervently praying for the li'l one. On gatherings, this usually comes up, "Kanus-a man ninyo sundan?" or "Wala pa ba?". I am sometimes guilty of asking this, until a friend confided her feelings. I learned from her that it can be stressful being asked all the time, after all, they've been trying but the maybe the time is just not right. Not having a child after years of marriage also opened up some questions in her, like, will she ever have a child? Will she have the opportunity of bearing and rearing a child? *I am not married and even I question myself these. I have an aunt who didn't marry and one aunt whose womb had been taken out for health reasons. It's scary since I want to be a mother someday.*

Some cousins and friends who have been impregnated but due to health reasons after their pregnancy have been told they won't be able to conceive again or will have a hard time trying to conceive again. Others had miscarriage in their pregnancy. I was out for words to console those who have lost their li'l one. At a gathering, a cousin looked back at her loss, she said: "Hala oi! 1 year old na tana to". I am praying for the souls of the li'l angels and for comfort for the parents. All in God's perfect time.

However, for those who chose to abort, no remorse can be seen or felt. tsk tsk tsk!

Andy

I met you today and at first sight I already love your physical prowess except for the fact that your color is Ebony Black with which I will eventually tire myself out. I am amazed with coolness you possess without being arrogant. You may lack points with regards to fashion but that will also have to be up to me... If only I could bring you out shopping.

I can't wait for the day the day that you and I can be together. heheh... I will have sleepless nights due to excitement... The travels that we are going to make will surely be a pleasant experience...

Drive!

I'm in for a new challenge: Learn how to Drive!!!

I've enrolled at Odyssey Driving School. A 10 hour basic course on driving. It was supposed to be a two-hour per day class but I compressed it to 3-days only. I had two 4 hour straight session and a 2 hour session on the third day.

During my first day: Its not my first time to take the wheel as I've had driving time with the office car at the terminal whenever possible but still I was nervous. After orientation on the tips and techniques, I was on the go. The route started at the diversion road there at Taguanao. We then proceeded to Macapagal Avenue for my U turn lesson. Then to P.N. Roa where we exited at Greenhills, Bulua Highway. Caught in Traffic near makro where my Engine stopped. Argh! (Some drivers really need to be patient specially when they see CAUTION: STUDENT DRIVER hanging at the back bumper). We went to Velez St. then to divisoria, then Tiano then back at the their office. So much for my first day. Never thought it would be tiring but I asked for it...

The second 4-hour straight session: I started to handle the wheel from their office, proceeded again to Taguanao, then to Lumbia, then to a place nearin Dansolihan (daw). I had my 3 point turn there then we went back to Macapagal Avenue then P.N Roa and exited at Kinasanghan, Iponan then proceeded to Opol... So much for highway driving. It rained. Good thing windshield wipers are not that distracting than I assumed. We went back to the city proper.

The remaining 2 hour session: My lesson started at Divisioria. Parking lessons! Whew! Then off to Cogon Market (heavy traffic!) then to Limketkai (hello humps!) the some more parking (vertical, diagonal, parallel!) then back to their office :)

I like how Odyssey incorporated the advocacy for safe and defensive driving. Even though I find lectures to be boring, I decided to enroll with them because of their lectures and seminar. I wrote this entry not to advertise or promote odyssey but since they have been my partner in learning how to drive, I recommend them. So if you want to know more, check it out here.

Now, on to the next step: Upgrade the Student Permit. Get Non-professional License! Ciao!

B is for Blessings and Bliss

Yippee! For the past days I have been in a state of Euphoria.

My appraisal turned out well. I'm gonna get a basic salary raise, my item got finalized and is now official and i got a merit increase as well... The past months of sacrifice will soon come to an end. *Thank you, Lord for all these blessings*

I got myself a full body massage at Golden Blind Masseurs. My very first massage experience. As my masseur provided pressure on my body, I could not help but think that she might leave bruises on my skin. By the time I got relaxed and in the verge of sleeping, the massage session ended. I woke up with a body ache. ha ha ha! I hope to try another massage place next time. And I hope my bffs will be there too... :)

I got great news and I can't wait for August... I am happy! So very happy! I hope this bliss will be contagious and spread all throughout the world!

Rain

When it rains, it pours and today's rain is no exception. I love it when it rains. The cool air makes me feel like I'm at the bukid. Its no comparison, I know, but its the closest thing I can get. How I wanted to go home right away so I can cook some noodles and sip hot soup. I wanted to snuggle and hug my pillow too. But I was not able to do so... The heavy downpour left me stranded at the stations... As the clock tick and the hours flew by with me wishing the rain would stop or a jeepney route home with a vacant space will fill-up at the station, I thought of what the rain signifies.

I have this tendency to perceive what things around me would symbolize and the rain was no different. Yes, rain is a natural occurrence, a season in the tropics and a water cycle. Its that simple so why do I complicate it? Maybe because I have questions and I look for signs, for answers... *now you've met the weird, praning side of me... ha ha ha!*

After a long wait, i finally got to ride a jeepney and to my disappointment, no sikad was around in our street plus to make situation worse, I have to submerge good ol' chuck in a puddle of water. With no umbrella, I walked the dimly lit street and arrived home soaking wet... *daig pa ang basang sisiw*
Insight: I can sometimes ran out of luck...

Tomorrow will be our annual performance appraisal, and I'm quite nervous about it. Its judgment day for my long-over-due-needs-to-be-resolved package. I have heard negative feedback about this year's appraisal. *fingers crossed for good news*
Insight: Pray for the best...

I'm yawning now and my eyes is heavy. I'm ready to doze off. Set my alarm early, report is half done. Adios for now!

Changes

They say “nothing in this world is constant except change”. For someone like me who finds solitude in stagnant, stable and unruly state of circumstances, change is unwelcome. Not that I abhor or resist it, I just have a hard time adapting to it. Take my career shift, for example. I have moved out of my 8 hour 5 day a week duty to a 24/7 on call work with unresolved salary package. Why? Opportunity. To travel, to have career growth and even financial growth.

Now, I am yet challenged to face another change: Transfer. A few days ago, my boss called me saying there will be a development for our team. He said I just might be assigned somewhere in the South. I was dumbfounded but only said, ” Ok, Sir.” I was not in the position to debate nor refuse, that would mean resignation. He didn’t further give any information but I asked about the current person assigned in the area and he said he is okay. He ended the phone conversation after saying, “We’ll talk about it when we get there”. Itried to fish out information that may give me truth about this development but to no avail. I’m waiting, hoping for a much clear set-up and when the time is right I just might voice out my hesitation.

Transfer would mean loneliness. Far from my family and friends. To a place new when I have just settled in my rented place. To diverse culture with so little connection. With all this thoughts clouding my mind, I surrender everything to The Almighty. The night before that call, I have unloaded buckets of tears. Crying my heart out once again until I fell asleep. Another emotional moment for me. I was tired. Tired of being alone. Tired of having to be always responsible. With my tears I prayed for direction and I can only trust Him that the call is his way of answering my plea.

bee hive

Here’s my first entry at my new home, not entirely new since I’ve had a blogspot blog before that I deleted for no reason. I pray I'll be able to maintain this blog now. I find writing/blogging therapeutic as I am able to connect with my inner self, my thoughts and feelings.

Similar to my reality, I have learned to let go of grudges and hurts, let go of people not worth holding on, and stayed away from complications. This is a brand new start. A new beginning.

Read. Don’t judge. Enjoy. Welcome to my hive!!!